Now I Have It All! |
January 1983 Vol. 39 No. 8 |
I AM A twenty-one-year-old alcoholic. I was six years old when my drinking started and eighteen when I was first introduced to AA.
My story is one of childish attitudes, because I was a child drunk. I drank because grown-ups did and because my parents allowed it. My mother recognized I had a problem a long time before I would admit it, but my father still refuses to believe alcohol was ever a problem for me.
When I was out on my own, life really became hard. I call it "on my own" because, though I moved in with my mother after her divorce, I had to work and support myself. I was supposed to be a young adult, but I hadn't aged emotionally at all since I had found alcohol.
Working failed as I moved from job to job, but I always managed to get by some way. I know now that during that time, I was breaking my mother's heart. She saw her little girl killing herself, and there was nothing she could do to stop me. So I ran, hard and fast, but my troubles stayed with me no matter where I went.
Finally, the day came when I called mom and begged to come back home for help. She accepted me with open arms but also with rules: I had to settle in a job, and I had to look into AA.
Well, there I was. I would have done anything to get out of the dark hole I had buried myself in. I hated AA, but I stuck with it. Most of all, it stuck with me. I kept drinking, but AA messed up every drink I had after my first meeting. I had to look at myself, and I didn't like me very much. When I finally started liking myself, I found I could like other people and AA.
That was three years ago. I now have one and a half years of sobriety, but only because God, AA, and my mother believed I was worth saving.
I am married, with one child, and my life gets better with each passing day. I never want to forget what I went through to get where I am today.
Without love from everyone in AA and the love and understanding of the most special husband in the world, I would still be that destructive and selfish little girl who had to have a drink to survive. All I need now is AA and my Higher Power. See--I have it all!
